The one thing I've always kind of wished for..even strived for.. was some sort of normalcy in my life, especially when it came to family. I've never had anything close to a decent relationship with my dad, and when he got diagnosed with cancer years ago, I really tried to improve things with him. The past few months, weeks, and days have proved to me that things will never get better between us, despite my best efforts. No matter what I do or convince myself to feel/think, he will always do something so selfish or betraying, that it's not even worth it to mend things.
I've spent so much time thinking about my relationship with him, or lack there of. He's always 'been around', but has never taken any interest in anything I do or am about. It's always been about making sure I don't piss him off or disappoint him. My entire life, I've walked on egg shells around him and it's so mentally exhausting.
I've thought about what I would lose if I eventually halted contact with him (once I moved out on my own and such). I would not lose a damn thing. I don't depend on him financially or emotionally. I don't go to him for advice or just to talk. Honestly, I try to avoid him at all costs. I'd probably gain some sort of relief. No more worry about having to 'report' things to him and hope what I say doesn't cause an argument.
More recently, certain things he's done have stuck with me, and are probably the reasons I want nothing to do with him anymore.
Visiting Nick in Florida-
Forcing me to hand over money to him-
Having a talk with Chris-
Having his gf Cory stay 2 weeks at our house-
The ridiculous fights we had over the New Years weekend-
A lot of really dumb, old emotions have re-surfaced, which means the sooner I move out and away from my dad, the sooner I can dry off from the 20+ year shit storm he's laid on me.
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